Angelic Qualities - Inner Happiness

"Inner happiness is a quality of spirit, peace of mind and tranquility..." - HELEN ANDELIN. Inner happiness does not come easy, it's hard work and is earned. We all get cross with ourselves from time to time. With some people the tiniest things can annoy and irritate us about ourselves. Here we'll be looking at how you can find true inner happiness and this post will help you to feel better about yourself on the inside.

MISTAKEN ROADS TO INNER HAPPINESS:
Everyone is looking for happiness, true happy happiness but not many people find it. As I said it is hard work and must be earned. You're not going to find it looking in all of the wrong places. Many people will try and find happiness with money, material things, a big house, loads of cars, horses, whatever you think will make you happy. But these things are just for a moment. Long term, that 'happiness' that you find breifly won't make you happy forever. You may find pleasure in them but that's not inner happiness. You could be a really famous celebrity and have everything you could possibly want, but you won't be truly happy. Most celebrities aren't very happy content people, that 'happiness' doesn't last forever and you will always be searching for more, for something else, something better.

INNER HAPPINESS:
You will usually find happiness after you have completed something. Helen uses the example of a mother. She cannot experience the beautiful faces, smile and laughter of her child until she has gone through the pregnancy, labor and childbirth.

FULFILL A DOMESTIC ROLE:
Become a domestic goddess. Help out cleaning around the house, cooking and baking meals, etc.
Remember it takes a wholehearted effort to find happiness from homemaking. Make sure your attitude is right!

DEVELOPE CHARACTER:
Create and work on getting a good character. One that is not selfish, unkind, weak, cruel, lazy, irresponsable, dishonest, greedy and so on. We will be taking a closer look and working on character in a later post.

GIVE SERVICE:
Help everyone around you in every way you can. Be kind and generous.

DO CREATIVE WORK:
Use your God given gifts and talents, whether it's cooking, singing, writing, drawing, making things, etc. Anything that you're good at. Use your hands to make and do things that will bless other people and bring you happiness whilst doing it. Sometimes you can do things that you don't really enjoy all the time but the thing that brings you happiness is watching the smiles on their faces when you present them with your gift.

ACCEPT YOURSELF:
This one is harder than you think. Sometimes you'll wish you were someone else, you don't like certain things about yourself and wish they were different. Whether it's your hair, you facial features, something you do without knowing. Allow for faliures but do your best to overcome them. Time is too short to continue worrying about things that you should or shouldn't have done, mistakes that you've made, things that you've said. Don't forget about them but choose not to focus on them. Mistakes are made to be learned from.

APPRECIATE THINGS:
Find things that you can appreciate and share them with others. Appreciate the simple things in life that God has blessed you with. Sunshine, smiles, flowers, family and friends. Find things to appreciate. There are many!

SEEK KNOWLEDGE:
"Knowledge unlocks the door to happiness, wisdom opens it. " - HELEN ANDELIN. This is very true. There is no point knowing lots of things if you're not going to use wisdom with how you put that knowledge into action. Wisdom and discernment are very important things and we should all put them into practise. More often than you think...
"Happy is the man that gains wisdom and the man that gets understanding." Read Proverbs 3:11-18.

DO OTHERS AND CIRCUMSTANCES AFFECT HAPPINESS:
If you have a good and strong character and relationship with Jesus, troubles and trials won't affect you as much, if at all. Don't get discouraged because there is a GOD who sees right where you are. He knows what you're going through! :)

I hope you have found this helpful. Work hard at finding true happiness and you will be truly happy once you've got it!

Please write to me, I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!

Charis Shepherd

Angelic Qualities - Understanding Men

Hello Fascinating Girlies!

I'm ever so sorry that I haven't been blogging for a while but here is my next post and we'll be studying the first 'Angelic Quality' which is Understanding Men. However, in order to do this we must first learn the Relationship Rules with men...

1. Accept him at face value

2. Appreciate his better side

3. Admire his Manliness

4. Honour his masculine roll

5. Don't wound his sensitive masculine pride

6. Break down his wall of reserve

7. Be sympathetic and understanding

So let us take a look at the first one of these very important rules to help us really 'understand men.'

ACCEPT HIM AT FACE VALUE: 

Accept him for who he is. Don't try to change him, let him be the man he is. Helen says that even if his 'conduct' could be better, consider this his responsibility not yours... "You may notice his weaknesses but count on them as human frailties. You may not agree with all of his ideas but respect his right to his own viewpoint. You may not share all of his interests or comprehend his dedication to certain goals but allow him freedom to pursue them. Or, you may observe his lack of interest in anything in particular or his lack of motivation toward any specific goal but you accept this and look at his better side. In accepting him, you are accepting his right to be himself." - Helen Andelin

If you find it hard to accept him at face value, accepting him for who he is, the problem could be you. This guy may not be your guy! You may notice every little thing about him and don't notice your own faults. You may think that you are better than he is but look closely, it is ourselves we should change. Try your hardest to be the best person you can be by filling yourself with God's word and walking with Him day by day. Fill yourself with His Holy Spirit.

Helen also says that if a man does something morally wrong, if he has been unjust, dishonest, nasty or deceitful, consider ending your relationship with him, however, when you hear that your friend has done something wrong first show reluctance to believe it, that it would be impossible for a man like him to do something like that because you know that he has a good heart and would never do such a thing.  If you are persuaded to believe it, show that you know it is the complete opposite to his true nature that he was only careless with his thoughts and actions. "You will be temporarily disappointed in him but don't lose faith in his better side." Be very careful and use discernment in these situations, you'll see his true colours soon enough. I know everyone isn't perfect but you have to make sure he has a good character and wants to change and be the best person he can be.

Here are Helen's Steps to Acceptance:

1. Get rid of a self-righteous, superior, attitude in yourself

2. Accept him as part of virtue, part fault

3. Always look to his better side

APPRECIATE HIM: First you must always look at his better side. Look past his mistakes, we all make mistakes from time to time, so don't focus on them. If he comes across as that 'nice guy' all the time be aware that he's not going to be perfect all the time but don't let that be an excuse. Don't misunderstand this though. When I say 'look past his mistakes' I don't mean ignore them, I just mean don't focus on them. You need to be very aware of these when you are getting to know him because he could be a very different person when he's not around you. Listen to what others have to say about him and be alert but don't focus on his faults too much and don't give him advice on how he could do better. I also don't want you to turn-down every man you meet that is interested in you just because he's not perfect. Nobody is! Try and get a balance in-between being aware of his faults and judging him because of them. Look at yourself from time to time and take the plank out of your own eye!

Next you must find things to appreciate, this could be his character, his intelligence and knowledge, his talents, what he does for you. Anything! There will be loads of things to appreciate so tell him and show and express your appreciation for them, (try not to too much and make him proud in the wrong sense. Too many compliments can come across as 'cheesy'. Make them meaningful.)

ADMIRE HIM:

Most men like it when we admire their manliness. It makes them feel...manly! There is no great feeling a man can experience then feeling manly, needed and wanted. All he wants is to protect and provide for you. Don't ask me why but they love it! It's just how God made them. And when you think about it, what is it that all women want? Security, appreciation and just the feeling of  being loved. When you're admiring his manliness and his abilities he will then want to protect and shelter you, making you feel secure! In this list below you can see what things to admire in him to make him feel 'manly'...

1. His masculine body
2. His strength
3. Masculine skills and abilities
4. Masculine achievements
5. His goals and dreams
6. Chivalry and courage
7. His masculine role

HONOUR HIS MASCULINE ROLE:

Know the difference between your role as a women and his as a man. He is the leader which means you follow. He is the man and the provider, you simply submit and obey. Here's how you can honour him...

1. Let him function as the guide, protector and provider
2. Show that you need his masculine care and protection
3. Don't excel him in his masculine role (Don't beat him in arm wrestles! He, he!)

DON'T WOUND HIS MASCULINE PRIDE:

Never tell a man what to do or even give advice as I said earlier, you just don't do that. It will make him feel worthless and this will wound his pride and put him off which is the last thing you want, right? Never say "It's okay, I can do it myself." He's not stupid! Of course he knows that you can open a door by yourself, make a cup of coffee and so on but it makes him feel manly also when he's providing and just being chivalrous. Appreciate that. Appear as though you need his help.

Here are his area's of 'sensitivity'

1. His body
2. His skills and abilities
3. His Achievements
4. His goals and dreams
5. His career
6. Activities and hobbies

BREAK DOWN HIS WALL OF RESERVE:

If you're trying to get to know a man but you're finding it hard because he's not very opinionated or just is quiet about his opinions and doesn't voice them, he's shy and just doesn't come out of his shell very much, etc. here's how you can help him.

1. Accept him
2. Don't belittle him (make him feel manly and needed!)
3. Admire him
4. Don't be critical of others (set a good example and be kind to everyone around you. Shy people are usually very observant!)
5. Hold confidences sacred

BE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING:

Guys go through troubles and trials too! You're not the only one. I was actually trying to find photos for this post but couldn't find any for this part. All of the photos are of the men helping and encouraging us ladies. There are none of the women helping their husbands. I thought it was quite sad that they're always there for their wives and are there to encourage them when they're feeling down but the wives are never there for him when he's feeling down. Do women encourage men at all? I understand most men won't open up in situations like that because they think they've failed and the "real men don't fail, real men don't cry," is a bunch of baloney! They do but sometimes they won't let you know about that so I understand if you're not given the opportunity to help him out very much like that. But when you do and don't know how to deal with it, here's how you can give true sympathy... 

1. Tune into his needs
2. Build him up
3. Don't minimise his problems
4. Don't try and solve his problems
5. Don't get discouraged yourself
6. Change the subject and distract his attention

Work on these traits and you are on your way to understanding men! In our next post we will look at the second Angelic Quality 'Inner Happiness'.

Feel free to ask questions, comment below and share your thoughts!

God Bless,

Charis Shepherd

5 minutes with a Fascinating Girl - Abigail Smith

Name: 
ABIGAIL CHARLOTTE GRACE SMITH

Age: 19

1. Have you read Helen Andelin's book "The Fascinating Girl"? What were your first impressions?

Yes, I have. It was a really interesting read. Once I had read the first chapter I couldn't wait for the next! I like a book that you can't put down.

2. What did you learn from her? Do you feel more feminine after reading it?

I guess the main thing I learnt was how to be a 'real' woman. It was certainly a feminine book and now I feel like I know how to be more womanly.

3.  Are you more of a 'princessy' type girl or a 'Tom-Boy'?

I have definitely been more of a 'Tom-boy' for most of my life. Maybe it's the fact that I have so many brothers! Until I was about 14 I wouldn't wear pink. As time has passed I have become more girly, however, as most tom-boys do.

4. What advice would you give girls who are not very girly but are trying to be?

I would say read the book! It was written for you. Try out some of the advice in there and it should really help.

5. What advice would you give a girl who is too girly? 

I'm not exactly sure what 'too girly' is but I'm guessing it is being scared to try new things and being a bit babyish. There's nothing wrong with being girly if you're a girl, but maybe you need to get out there a bit more and don't be afraid to try out some 'boyish' things like football once in a while. Also, I'm sure most girls are afraid of things like spiders but you don't have to break lightbulbs with your screaming and hide behind the sofa if you see one!

6. What have you done to become more feminine? 

I have tried to be more feminine in my dress. Behaviour is another thing I'm working on. I've actually found that when I dress in a feminine way it helps me to behave so as well!

7. What are your favourite and least favourite things about being a girl?

My favorite things are: that if you are around 'real' gentlemen they will treat you nicely. I've always loved the 'ladies first' rule. Boys carry heavy things for you and do the dirty jobs. I love cooking!

Some of the negative things are: Some boys think girls are inferior; Girls are weaker than guys but it doesn't mean we are 'weak'. Also, guys don't seem to have to deal with the emotional troubles we women have.

8. What are your views on girls wearing makeup, earrings and trousers, etc.? 

I would say there's nothing wrong with any of those things in themselves but it's important not to go to excess and be modest with how you dress. I personally don't wear makeup or earrings but I don't see anything wrong with other people wearing them. Some girls tend to go 'overboard' with their makeup though, which I think makes them look worse! Concerning trousers, I personally like to wear long tops with them. I think it's important for all girls to have their own dress code and not wear anything that is purposely immodest.

9. Define 'Modesty'...

Wow. There are so many ways people define modesty! I do NOT think being modest is being shapeless and boring. My personal definition is: Not wearing tops which reveal too much (low cut tops etc.) or tops or trousers which are too tight (leggings?) unless a long top is worn. Modesty is such a hard term to define since there are so may views on it that it is impossible to find a universal definition. I would say to anyone who isn't sure what is modest or not to think about WHY they are wearing something and to look to the Bible which gives some excellent advice on modesty. If you are a christian you should want to please God in your dress as well as every other area of your lives.

10. What do you think to wearing head coverings?

I think wearing head coverings all the time is unnecessary. What people wear in church is up to them. The Bible seems to suggest that women do not have to wear head coverings, as their hair is given for a covering (1 Corinthians 11:15). However people have so many different views that it gets confusing. I don't think people should judge other people for wearing/not wearing head coverings but every man should be persuaded in his own mind' 'for whatsoever is not of faith is sin'.

11. Would you rather," just get married" or have a big wedding? What's more important to you?

Just getting married definitely. There is something special about a simple wedding if the bride and groom love each other. Sometimes all the showy stuff can detract from what is really important.

12. When do you think the role of a helpmeet begins?

As soon as you are married. Eve was specifically made to be a helpmeet for Adam. I think you can start preparing to be a helpmeet right now though, by allowing God to shape your character and helping others in practical ways.

13. What would you like to do when you're older?

I would like to get married, and have as many children as God blesses me with. I'd like to live on my own land growing my own produce, and I would love to build my own house. I also wouldn't mind moving around rather than staying in the same place if God wanted me to travel to different places. 

14. Who has been a role model for you? (in a book, movie, real life?)

There seems to be so few godly women role models, but there are certainly some. In books I have some like Gladys Aylward and Maria Taylor who served God in other lands. My main role model who I knew was my Grandpa because he was such a lovely christian and he really cared about other people. 

15. What top 5 things do you think should be on any girls priority list?

I don't have a clue!!!

16. What are your opinions on Courtships, Engagements, Betrothals etc? What would you like?

I really like the idea of courtships because that way both families are involved and have an opinion, which I think they should in such an important relationship. The couple can safely get to know each other with them around. I once heard someone say that when you agree to marry someone you are also marrying their family! I think it's true. I also like the idea of not holding hands until you are engaged and having your first kiss on your wedding day because that way it helps avoid sin and it makes it really special knowing you have saved yourself just for them.

17. What do you think most girls do but should avoid? 

It seems like a lot of girls are pressurised into getting boyfriends as soon as they're old enough; if they don't have one they are 'weird'. This can lead to multiple boyfriends and breakups. I think it's important for girls to save themselves for that 'one person' and only get a boyfriend with the purpose of marriage.

18. What things have really impacted your life? Experiences, lessons you've learned, anything!

God has definitely impacted my life in a big way. I wouldn't be who I am today with out Him. Also my family has been a big impact on my life. I have quite a 'big' family compared to most which has certainly taught me patience! There are numerous other people who I have come into contact with who have influenced me as well. It's not just people; sermons, music, travels and other experiences have influenced me. A recent time of illness has helped me to think about what's really important.

19. What are your views on the purity balls, purity rings, Daddy/daughter dates etc.?

I don't know much about that kind of stuff but if getting a ring from your Dad means you are 'married' to him before you meet your husband then that is totally the wrong idea.

20. When/how did you get saved?
I got saved when I was 8 years old at my Grandparents house. My Grandma asked if I wanted to become a christian and then I said the words after her. I really felt a strong battle going on when I did this. Later on I had some terrible doubts as to whether I was really saved until God gave me assurance of Salvation. I still have doubts from time to time but John 6:37 is a really helpful verse.

21. How many are in your family? Would you like to have a big family one day?

There are 9 in our family altogether, including my parents. I would love to have a big family as well .

22. What has it been like to not only be the oldest but being the only girl in your family for a while?

Being the oldest has been great. I have got to hold every one of my brothers and sisters when they were babies! As for only having brothers for 12 years, I didn't really notice. I was having so much fun. I wouldn't trade my brothers for anyone else, although they can be annoying sometimes! The only thing I wish I could have had is a brother or sister nearer my age. I didn't have a sibling until I was 4 years old, and as I got older I missed not having someone who was nearer my age. If I get married and have children I want to have them quite close together so they're not lonely.

23. Do you think education is more important than getting married and having a family?

Nope. Basic education is important like being able to read and write fluently and being good at Maths, but you don't need a University degree to be a wife or mother! I don't think it is wrong  for a woman to get a good education however, if they're not married yet, but they shouldn't put it before getting married.

24. Have you thought about children, even choosing names for them before you thought about your husband?
All the time! I love Bible names and sometimes I find a character or name in the Bible and I think 'I want to call one of my children that name'.

25. Name a few of your favourite Bible verses and passages...
Esther is my favorite book of the Bible. My favorite verse is Romans 8:28. I even have it in my email address! It is so comforting to know that God is working out everything in my life for good.

Thank you so much, Abigail, for taking the time to answer all of my questions! It was so kind of you and your answers are absolutely fantastic! You did such a great job and I have a lot to learn from you. May God Bless you greatly!

If you would like to share your views/opinions, lessons you've learned, stories and experiences feel free! You are welcome to send in your answers to these questions and join the fascinating girls around the world. Send in your answers and a photo of yourself and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!

God Bless,

Charis Shepherd