Angelic Qualities - Understanding Men

Hello Fascinating Girlies!

I'm ever so sorry that I haven't been blogging for a while but here is my next post and we'll be studying the first 'Angelic Quality' which is Understanding Men. However, in order to do this we must first learn the Relationship Rules with men...

1. Accept him at face value

2. Appreciate his better side

3. Admire his Manliness

4. Honour his masculine roll

5. Don't wound his sensitive masculine pride

6. Break down his wall of reserve

7. Be sympathetic and understanding

So let us take a look at the first one of these very important rules to help us really 'understand men.'

ACCEPT HIM AT FACE VALUE: 

Accept him for who he is. Don't try to change him, let him be the man he is. Helen says that even if his 'conduct' could be better, consider this his responsibility not yours... "You may notice his weaknesses but count on them as human frailties. You may not agree with all of his ideas but respect his right to his own viewpoint. You may not share all of his interests or comprehend his dedication to certain goals but allow him freedom to pursue them. Or, you may observe his lack of interest in anything in particular or his lack of motivation toward any specific goal but you accept this and look at his better side. In accepting him, you are accepting his right to be himself." - Helen Andelin

If you find it hard to accept him at face value, accepting him for who he is, the problem could be you. This guy may not be your guy! You may notice every little thing about him and don't notice your own faults. You may think that you are better than he is but look closely, it is ourselves we should change. Try your hardest to be the best person you can be by filling yourself with God's word and walking with Him day by day. Fill yourself with His Holy Spirit.

Helen also says that if a man does something morally wrong, if he has been unjust, dishonest, nasty or deceitful, consider ending your relationship with him, however, when you hear that your friend has done something wrong first show reluctance to believe it, that it would be impossible for a man like him to do something like that because you know that he has a good heart and would never do such a thing.  If you are persuaded to believe it, show that you know it is the complete opposite to his true nature that he was only careless with his thoughts and actions. "You will be temporarily disappointed in him but don't lose faith in his better side." Be very careful and use discernment in these situations, you'll see his true colours soon enough. I know everyone isn't perfect but you have to make sure he has a good character and wants to change and be the best person he can be.

Here are Helen's Steps to Acceptance:

1. Get rid of a self-righteous, superior, attitude in yourself

2. Accept him as part of virtue, part fault

3. Always look to his better side

APPRECIATE HIM: First you must always look at his better side. Look past his mistakes, we all make mistakes from time to time, so don't focus on them. If he comes across as that 'nice guy' all the time be aware that he's not going to be perfect all the time but don't let that be an excuse. Don't misunderstand this though. When I say 'look past his mistakes' I don't mean ignore them, I just mean don't focus on them. You need to be very aware of these when you are getting to know him because he could be a very different person when he's not around you. Listen to what others have to say about him and be alert but don't focus on his faults too much and don't give him advice on how he could do better. I also don't want you to turn-down every man you meet that is interested in you just because he's not perfect. Nobody is! Try and get a balance in-between being aware of his faults and judging him because of them. Look at yourself from time to time and take the plank out of your own eye!

Next you must find things to appreciate, this could be his character, his intelligence and knowledge, his talents, what he does for you. Anything! There will be loads of things to appreciate so tell him and show and express your appreciation for them, (try not to too much and make him proud in the wrong sense. Too many compliments can come across as 'cheesy'. Make them meaningful.)

ADMIRE HIM:

Most men like it when we admire their manliness. It makes them feel...manly! There is no great feeling a man can experience then feeling manly, needed and wanted. All he wants is to protect and provide for you. Don't ask me why but they love it! It's just how God made them. And when you think about it, what is it that all women want? Security, appreciation and just the feeling of  being loved. When you're admiring his manliness and his abilities he will then want to protect and shelter you, making you feel secure! In this list below you can see what things to admire in him to make him feel 'manly'...

1. His masculine body
2. His strength
3. Masculine skills and abilities
4. Masculine achievements
5. His goals and dreams
6. Chivalry and courage
7. His masculine role

HONOUR HIS MASCULINE ROLE:

Know the difference between your role as a women and his as a man. He is the leader which means you follow. He is the man and the provider, you simply submit and obey. Here's how you can honour him...

1. Let him function as the guide, protector and provider
2. Show that you need his masculine care and protection
3. Don't excel him in his masculine role (Don't beat him in arm wrestles! He, he!)

DON'T WOUND HIS MASCULINE PRIDE:

Never tell a man what to do or even give advice as I said earlier, you just don't do that. It will make him feel worthless and this will wound his pride and put him off which is the last thing you want, right? Never say "It's okay, I can do it myself." He's not stupid! Of course he knows that you can open a door by yourself, make a cup of coffee and so on but it makes him feel manly also when he's providing and just being chivalrous. Appreciate that. Appear as though you need his help.

Here are his area's of 'sensitivity'

1. His body
2. His skills and abilities
3. His Achievements
4. His goals and dreams
5. His career
6. Activities and hobbies

BREAK DOWN HIS WALL OF RESERVE:

If you're trying to get to know a man but you're finding it hard because he's not very opinionated or just is quiet about his opinions and doesn't voice them, he's shy and just doesn't come out of his shell very much, etc. here's how you can help him.

1. Accept him
2. Don't belittle him (make him feel manly and needed!)
3. Admire him
4. Don't be critical of others (set a good example and be kind to everyone around you. Shy people are usually very observant!)
5. Hold confidences sacred

BE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING:

Guys go through troubles and trials too! You're not the only one. I was actually trying to find photos for this post but couldn't find any for this part. All of the photos are of the men helping and encouraging us ladies. There are none of the women helping their husbands. I thought it was quite sad that they're always there for their wives and are there to encourage them when they're feeling down but the wives are never there for him when he's feeling down. Do women encourage men at all? I understand most men won't open up in situations like that because they think they've failed and the "real men don't fail, real men don't cry," is a bunch of baloney! They do but sometimes they won't let you know about that so I understand if you're not given the opportunity to help him out very much like that. But when you do and don't know how to deal with it, here's how you can give true sympathy... 

1. Tune into his needs
2. Build him up
3. Don't minimise his problems
4. Don't try and solve his problems
5. Don't get discouraged yourself
6. Change the subject and distract his attention

Work on these traits and you are on your way to understanding men! In our next post we will look at the second Angelic Quality 'Inner Happiness'.

Feel free to ask questions, comment below and share your thoughts!

God Bless,

Charis Shepherd